Edward Richard Hall V

   On January 28th a beautiful, healthy baby boy was born. That little boys name was Edward. A little baby with a face so serious he was called Mister Baby. His eyes would sparkle with sophistication and wonder, even as a baby.

   The day we brought him home he was greeted with love and adoration and the best gift a newborn baby could ask for; a 6 year old big sister. She would show him the ropes and light up this serious little boys eyes like no other. She would teach him everything to know about being a kid. He didn't need her to be his blueprint though. He came with his own. He was a mysterious boy with a sparkle in his eye and a quirky sense of humor. His eyes spoke a million words. One look told you everything you needed to know. Playful curiosity and pure wonder, paired with a stoic furrowed brow. Once he started walking he was off, “no more cuddles for me mother, I can walk now.” I still snuck them in where I could and he would sneak a smile.

   At the age of 1.5 another gift arrived, a new best friend, a baby brother. His facial expressions said it all, “where did he come from, and why is he so small?” An adjustment for our little micromanager. As his brother grew so did Edwards approval. He grew big and Edward grew proud of him and looked out for him with adoration as he did his whole family. He was our little protector, the peacekeeper, the glue. When his brother cried, he would give him whatever he was holding. When his sister cried, he would hold her face. When his parents bickered he would hold our shoulder, as a gentle reminder to treasure our time together. This toddler had the confidence and leadership skills that most adults lack.

   At age 2 we had just moved into our house, Edward was like a little lion roaming through every room, playing on every surface. Memorizing the details and taking it all in as he does. Still so small yet so independent and curious. He loved music but he wasn't the type to watch a-lot of tv. There is too much playing to do. He had an imagination that filled the whole house, we would find his little toys antics all over, inside our shoes he used for rocket ships. Dinosaurs riding other dinosaurs. His dad would run with him on his shoulders almost every day. Mommy would greet him with love and positivity, something that was engrained into his personality. Mom taught him that Fridays were a celebration, and so were the weekend. He had a very special bond with every family member, with such an expressive personality it wasnt hard to read his mind. And if we interpreted him wrong he would quickly shoot us a look and we would make the correction.

   At age 3 we learned that our boy had autism. We didnt understand what that meant fully. We loved him just the way he was and didnt want him to be any different yet we understood that it would be harder for him we. Autism means you are in a body that just wont cooperate, you wouldnt be able to tell by looking at our happy little guy though. He was sure of hisself and he was making it fine and well. At 3 he was finally growing into the bigger body he always wanted, he loved riding his bike, and jumping with his brother and sister on the bed. He was an active little busy bee always on the move.

   At four he was a tech pro and would be cataloguing through pbs kids listening to all his favorite theme songs, he always loved the theme songs and he loved music. He started hitting his famous spidey poses and would break out into dance at any given moment. Once, breaking out into dance in the theaters and everyone’s eyes shifted from the screen onto him and his amazing dance moves that were better than the movie. He was a beautiful singer as well frequently bursting out into song. He was so silly yet still kept that little serious side he was born with. He had a harmonious balance and he was becoming more and more athletic everyday and wanted to play with other kids more and more.

   At 5 he was reading letters and numbers, talking in full sentences, he was ready for kindergarten. He was catching balls, playing soccer and basketball with friends. He was a pro gymnast doing flips and tricks, and he mastered the monkey bars. Cracking jokes and making inside jokes, making friends everywhere he went. Even a secret handshake with his big sister that ended in tickles.

   You were only here 5 years but you sure made the most out of it. Every day was started with a smile, an adventure, a celebration. every little detail was noticed, taken in and analyzed like a breath of fresh air. The years were so fun and we thought we'd haver more. We werent ready to say goodbye. We wanted to see him start kindergarten, and go through every other stage in life.

   We are trying to still find the little joys in every day moment because we know thats what you would want . We know you're not far but it doesn't feel that way. The devastation is the biggest thing we feel in his absence. The signature spots and places he use to play now empty, the quietness where his voice would fill the house; its impossible not to notice. It’s impossible to not want to go back to our life before. Its impossible not to feel anger, this wasn't supposed to happen. When these thoughts surround us in torment, he comes to us. His intense love and warmth covering us, the wave settles. He wants us to know he's ok. That Its not our fault and not to bear the guilt. One thing that i do know is that you are protected now from any hurt and pain that is to come and you, and you my sweet baby are boundless. No more boarders, no more stupid rules you don't understand.

   We love you Edward. We will never stop loving and missing you and seeking you. and we will try to do our best to live in the way you would want, in the joy and wonder you lived. To find you and know you aren't too far away. To seek your love and warmth in times of struggle and know you are ok and you are happy.

To my beloved son

    My life changed from the moment that I laid eyes on you. January 28th 2021, I remember being blessed to be present with you during your entry of life. I felt your love immediately. Your entire hand wrapped around just my single finger, and I was able to feel the warmth from your body as you lay on my chest. What I was feeling was the feeling of being a father. A father is what you, Eddie, made me.

   We spent his first 2 years together, for I was unemployed, and looking back, this was the most fun time of my life. The precautions I took after him were mandatory for a baby to be delt with so carefully as they grow into themselves. My wife and I had a play area, with foam bedding and a 2-foot-high wrap around fence with plush toys that he would be surrounded with. It was during these times we spent the most time together, all day and all night. I would make sure he would have his mother’s milk warm and ready or a bottle ready for him. This helped him get big and strong and he. Soon grew out of his foam pit and began walking on his own around the age of 3, going on 4.

It was around this time we began noticing that Eddie was different than other kids, he would have a hard time communicating how he felt, and we noticed this but did not look at Eddie any differently. He would communicate through gestures seeing he would have trouble verbalizing his words, and the way he did so would push beautiful. In fact, he mastered manding in his ABA therapy, along with several other skills throughout his lifetime. If he needed something out of the fridge, he would hold my hand and walk me to the fridge. If he wanted to watch a different show, he would point to the screen and hum until we selected the correct game or show. He was particular, but smart. He could understand that his parents knew what he struggled with, and he trusted us to listen and engage with the activities we would put him in to work through these struggles, and he proved he could do it every time. In fact, one of his favorite things to do would be to gather his entire family, Me, his mother Isabel, his sister Mariyah, and his brother Ezra, and have us all sit in the same room. Then while we are sitting, he would want us to play a game like Simon Say’s or Patty Cake. I felt he was showing us structure, like what he was being shown in therapy, and this was his way of ‘talking’ to us since verbalizing himself was a challenge at his age.

   Eddie’s personality was beautiful; he is like me in so many ways. He was always smiling and he was so cheerful and his energy would radiate the room that he was in, filling with love so big everyone in it would feel his joy and compassion. The first show we watched together was Daniel Tiger and through this we learned how to deal with our emotions, and I felt love watching this series with him. From there we watched Super Why and Wyatt the Super Reader gave us hope and courage to take on our challenges together. Then once Eddie became 4, we watched Through The Woods where he watched Ryder, play with frogs, which Eddie loved to play with! He would jump on my shoulders, and I would jump up and down after he said ‘beep beep’ just as Ryder would in the show. Soon Eddie became more independent and would watch his own shows and many times Eddie would find solace through self-play. Some of his favorite toys are Buzz and Woody from Toy Story. He loved Sonic the Hedgehog and could not get enough of Spider Man - Eddie was notorious for doing SipdeyPoses. Eddie was not just a Super Hero, he was my Super Hero. He was my why in life, and he is my why, and more importantly he will always be my why in life. Eddie was the greatest person I have every met because he was the first person to give me unconditional love, and every feeling I shared with Eddie validated this to me and it is important for me to let you know that I love you Eddie and will always love you.